Probably it is just a passing phase of life that I believe everyone has to go through. There are times when I feel like an useless person, etc. I've always think that no one gives a damn about my existence, or whether I'm just another "extra" that's taking up oxygen on this earth. Depression? I don't wish, and WON'T EVER WANT to be associated with this word. I will always try all means to shield myself from all negative things that affect me, but how long can I hold on?

I'm angry. In fact, I'm infuriated. Not at the world and not at anyone in particular. But MYSELF. I can't seem to love myself the way I am supposed to as a human. I'm always looking down at myself, which, of course, naturally decreases my self-esteem level day by day. Why does everyone seem to have many attributes in them which I do not see it in me? Why do I always feel and witness the success of many, but not with me? Why can't I do a good job at the simplest little thing and tasks which I'm expected to? Why is it that I've always feel that I must be the one at fault when things go wrong? Why is it that I feel so inferior amongst people? Where is my minimum level of self-confidence? Do I even have it? Can I really survive and go far in this world if I continue behaving in such a way which I know I'm not supposed to? Will I ever get a taste of success in life, or is it only a dream-and will always be??

Oh gosh, I am only 20-year-old and all I could think of are depressing thoughts that are unhealthy- both physically and mentally.

Time heals, and I trust that it can be the solution to all problems. I'll be looking forward to that.

P/S: Don't worry. I don't really mean it when I talk about suicidal thoughts... I'm learning to treasure my life and count my blessings. :) I will be alright. Soon.